Wounded By A Friend: Can the Friendship Survive?

Wounds from a friend can be trusted. - Proverbs

_{This story is true, except for the change of names and a few minor details to conceal identities.}

Bianca was the newcomer to the workplace and she shared an office with Brian. Tammie, the receptionist, took every opportunity to visit Brian at his desk. She brought his newspaper, his faxes, something to drink, anything. Each time she entered his office, she made a point of being civil to Bianca. Once when he was out of the office, Tammie told Bianca that she wished they could be friends.

Bianca welcomed the gesture. Tammie was likeable, outgoing, and sharing (including the latest office news along with her lunch when she and Bianca ate together). Bianca also liked her ready sense of humor. Their friendship was becoming solid, although Bianca suspected that the primary reason for Tammie’s offer was to keep tabs on the relationship between her and Brian. Bianca was willing to overlook that if it were true. The two women shared so many laughs together.

One day when Brian was absent, the two female friends really talked. Tammie disclosed that she and Brian attended after-hours events together, took weekend trips out of town, even missed being seen together at the airport by their office boss.

“But isn’t he married?” Bianca asked with much concern.

“Yes,” Tammie whispered, “but he’s a really cool guy and he’s so good to me.”

“How long has he been so good to you?”

“We’ve been seeing each other for a year. But” Tammie added, “he likes to flirt, so I think I should warn you.”

“Forget about me! Why would you let a cheater play like that with your emotions?”

“My big sister says that all men cheat; you just have to remain attractive so that even if your man strays, he comes back.”

Bianca could not believe Tammie would subscribe to such nonsense. She leaped into an immediate rage. “Even if your sister were right,” Bianca spoke firmly, “and she’s not, Why would you cheapen yourself for a man who is not even yours?”

Bianca knew that she was being harsh, but she had Tammie’s attention, and she continued. “You’re a beautiful young woman. You’re intelligent. You work hard and you can support yourself. Why behave as if you're just a fraction of a woman; letting this selfish, two-timing adulterous man use you like a disposable tissue, when you could wait for a man who loves you enough to make you his wife?”

She rubbed it in. “You ought to be ashamed, and if you’re not, I’m ashamed enough for both of us.” Bianca's stabbing words pierced Tammie's heart and soul. The emotional wound was instant and deep.

Tammie strutted away and slammed the door which Bianca had never seen shut before. Bianca knew that she was wrong. That was no way to react to what she thought was a flaw in a friend. She had wounded Tammie (worse than she already was) instead of being kind and supportive.

The next morning, Bianca prepared to apologize for trespassing in Tammie’s relationship with Brian and for judging and condemning them. She was surprised when Brian spoke his usual, cheery greeting.

“Did you talk with Tammie yesterday?” she asked him.

“Oh yes,” he said, and started sorting the mail on his desk.

“Did she say anything about me?” Bianca continued her query.

“Yes again,” he said, “but let’s drop it. Shall we?” They did but Bianca felt horrible.

At lunchtime, Tammie stood in the office doorway with a stern look on her face. Bianca waited for her to explode. They stared at each other for a while before Tammie started to smile.“

“You’re one tough coach,” she said walking toward Bianca, “but I’d rather have you for a friend than an enemy. I know you care.“ They hugged.

They both apologized. Bianca asked for the chance to offer another response and Tammie accepted on condition that she toned down her firmness.

Benefits of friendship include confiding in each other and sharing counsel. Sometimes, because none is perfect, friends wound each other but wisdom perceives when the wound is generated by love; and such wounds heal quickly.