Why Did I NOT Get Married Twice?

Following are the reasons contributed by divorcees who apparently have no inclination to marry again. They all have been divorced or widowed for ten years or more, some for almost twenty. Except for fear, their reasons are very different from the reasons of the never-married who contributed to Why Did I NOT Get Married?

In this batch of reasons, there is no mention of naivety, asexuality and different faiths which featured in the other hub. Of course, those problems would have been solved or dealt with in the first marriage. Also interesting is the fact that their fear has a different dimension. It is more than the fear of uncertainty. Those who experienced failed marriages are afraid of failing again; of seeming foolish—not wise enough to learn from their mistakes. It might also prove that they were the bad apples in the first marriage, and establish the probability that they could be habitual offenders.

Add to this the Divorce Rate statistics which report that 60% to 67% of all second marriage fail, we can understand their caution. Some of these reasons are compiled by merging the opinions of two or more people. Please don’t judge them; learn from them and let the lessons influence your marriage or your singleness in a positive way.

• I’m afraid to have another person blame me for ruining his/her life.

• I’m looking for an upgrade (author’s interpretation) on the last spouse I had, and I’d be embarrassed to enter a second marriage thinking that I found what I wanted, only to discover that I have been duped again.

• The first time was rough. The real hell was not the marriage, although that was terrible; it was the near-insanity situation after it ended. I couldn’t survive that if were to happen again.

• I fell in love, but the woman could not wrap her head around losing half my income to child support every month.

• Marrying again would mean including someone else in the will, and that might damage my relationship with the children.

• I’d rather be alone, than spend the rest of my life looking over my shoulder at a man, and possibly his sons, to make sure that they treat my daughters with respect. Protecting my children is my priority, and we can live without a man in the house.

• Sometimes I get lonely, but I’d trade the hell I used to live in for my freedom from bondage any day.

• My closest friends are other divorced males and females. It is pretty much the consensus that we maintain uncomplicated friendships without expectations and obligations. I could live with that.

• Marriage loses its significance after the first time. The solemnity and symbolism can never be re-created.

• My spouse died and I have difficulty allowing anyone else to share that space. I could still feel the bond of love between us.

• I still have feelings for my ex, although he cheated on me with my best friend. I wished somebody told me I could forgive him; I would have taken him back before he married her.

• It would be a waste of time trying to love anyone as much as I loved my ex-spouse; and I refuse to marry except for love.

To my married-once-not-again friends I say, "You can still live happily ever after if you trust God, cherish your friendships, and live purposefully."