A Guide To Selecting The Perfect Gift For Your Valentine

You may be surprised that although your gift of candy or flowers is expensive and impressive, it may not communicate love to your Valentine. That is because, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, counselor and author of The Five Love Languages, there are different ways to communicate love; and each person has a preferred mode of communication (a love language) in which he or she likes to receive love. If you choose a gift which does not say “I love you,” in your Valentine’s love language, you could fall short of your desired intent. Selecting the right gift for the right person is an art.

First, discover your Valentine’s love language. Chapman cites five categories, which for our purpose of selecting gifts, we may think of as the currency in which we will obtain the gift. Remember that the emphasis is on the type, not the cost of the gift, although the presentation is important. After you identify the category, there will be gift suggestions for each one.

(1) Affirmation – words of appreciation or encouragement

(2) Time – quality time spent together, focusing attention on each other

(3) Service – acts of kindness which help to make life easier

(4) Touch – physical show of affection, not sexual or self-gratifying

(5) Gifts – not necessarily expensive, without intentions of a mutual exchange

In case you have not figured out the category in which to place your Valentine, introduce the topic of love languages to him or her, and suggest that you both take the quiz to help you determine your love languages. It is a fun activity, and understanding your love languages will empower your relationship way beyond gift-giving.

For the Valentine whose love language is affirmation, consider something other than a box of plain chocolates to accompany the card. The inscription of “I Love You,” “My Chosen Valentine,” “Thanks for Loving Me”, and other such expressions will be sweeter to the taste. It will mean even more if the inscription is hand-written and the gift is personalized. If you do not have the skill to produce the caliber of gift you will like to give, an office supply store can transform your sketch into something classy; or go all the way with something personalized from a gift store like PersonalizationMall.Com. Your Valentine will interpret your gift as an assurance of love.

Next to your undivided attention, any other gift you give will be a pale expression of love. So concentrate on making your delivery within the gift of time—during a dinner for two at home or at your favorite spot, perhaps before or after a long drive to a concert. If your relationship is long distance, schedule a chat by phone, or an instant messaging device. Postponing your celebration until after Valentine Day will be the worst idea. The Valentine who wants quality time, feels loved when you honor your schedule time for being together. Fragrance If you know your Valentine's preference would be appropriate, but the gift would be secondary to the time you spend together.

If your Valentine interprets acts of service as genuine love, it is because he or she thinks, “If you love me, you’ll help me. It’s as simple as that.” Choose practical gifts that show your intention to help. Think of his or her everyday activities at home and on the job, also hobbies. If you purchase a camera, include an extra memory card. If your gift is a product that requires assembly, include a coupon offering help to assemble it. Anything that says, “I want to help you,” will communicate love to your Valentine.

For the Valentine who interprets touch as a symbol of love, choose gifts that are evaluated by how they feel: plush towels, wooly socks, bubble baths and so on. Your Valentine wants to be touched by love whether on his or her face, hands or feet. The need for touch is always a feel for affection, not always for sexual satisfaction. The cuddly teddy bear is the perfect gift--to hug, cuddle and squeeze. Even men appreciate them as gifts.

In an ABC report (August 24, 2010) Travelodge decided to follow up on the thousands of stuffed animals left at their hotels. Twenty-five percent of the men they surveyed admitted to taking their bears on business trips. Others said that they found cuddling the bear comforting and helpful in lowering the stress level. My guess is these are all folks whose love language is touch.

Generally, everyone likes to receive gifts, but the Valentine whose love language is “gifts” is serious about what the gift means. For him or her, flowers and candy are treasures not based on what they cost, or how long they last, but because they are specifically associated with love on Valentine’s Day. The sentimental value of the gift is a deciding factor in his or her acceptance, more than for people with other love languages. Deliver early so your Valentine can enjoy your expression of love all day.

Read more about love languages in The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. There are specialized editions for children, teenagers, singles and couples.